Getting back to Star Wars, the hero’s journey is complete with new challenges that reveal new potentials and a deeper sense of true identity. Not that I have an illusion of being on a hero’s journey, but the idea of an odyssey really resonates with me right now. Over the past year I have been seeking out some sense of deeper purpose (beyond writing annual reports). I miss the culture of the church, even if I am not sure if I belong there. As I prepare to defend my dissertation I have asked myself what is next, and please let there be something next. I pray for a ministry that is an expression of my own faith development rather than just a use of my gifts. Over the past three years, since leaving the church, I have HAD to deal with some very real fears, but as I stand on the fringe of something new I have to deal with a whole new set of fears. I want something new, exciting, and purposeful, but I am not sure how that fits with who I am now after leaving the church. My modern theology uses Isaiah 41 to embolden me. The nationalism embedded in my modern theology calls me to a battle cry with Isaiah 41 saying, “Don’t fear anything because your God can kick their god’s ass.” The West Texan theology in me calls me to pick myself up deal with it. But none of these deal with the fear that is core: Can I trust God?
When I first read Isaiah 41 it appears that the modernist interpretation is dead on and perhaps it was intended that way for the original readers. But in all the times that I have read this or heard a sermon on it there has been an oversight of the first line, “Be silent before me, you islands!” In commentaries this line is interpreted to mean, “Listen up!” But I think there is more.
In short, Isaiah 41 is about two different ways to deal with the unknown. I say “the unknown” instead of “the acts of God” because from a cultural anthropology perspective, god was an idea to explain the unexplainable. Each region had its own god depending on unique needs and questions. It truly was a time in which the god who was stronger was better. Isaiah calls the Israelites the ones that God has called and the others as the ones that their god has called. According to the first few verses, everyone is experiencing the same events that cause fear. What is unique is how the tribes respond to the fear. The “others” cling to human encouragement and understanding while they nail down their feeble idols. But Israel simply finds reassurance in the promise of God. He calls them to humility and obedience, not action and understanding. The response to fear (the unknown) is not to be stronger, but to be weaker. Be silent before God and seek him. When we do this we gain wisdom and knowledge (Proverbs 1:7; Proverbs 9:10). Then God demonstrates His power.
This makes me wonder, how can we be called to “Fear Not” and abide in our fear at the same time? Isaiah 41 seems like a paradox. This paradox has been compounded under modern philosophy which calls us to victory. The church often takes this to mean that as soon as we have our first thought of fear that we should claim strength in Christ and that the fear is gone. But that type of thinking is exactly what “the others” do. Isaiah 41 doesn’t all us out of fear, but calls us into fear trusting God through it. It is on the other side of the fear that we experience victory, not during the fear. The difference in language is subtle, but significant. It is not instead of experiencing fear, but as experiencing fear, fear not. As I experience the fears associated with the unknown I anchor (Hebrews 6:19) in Christ in faith that he will strengthen me. Verses 18 clarifies this point, “I will make rivers flow on barren heights, and springs within the valley. I will turn the desert into pools of water, and the parched ground into springs.” Verse 13 is even more clear, “For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you; Do not fear; I will help you.”
Fear has a purpose. We have for too long thought of it as purely an emotional response that we need removed. But it is also a place to grow and experience new life. It is something that reveals a place within us that needs restoration. We are called into our fear by a God who promises to walk with us through it. And that is the mystery of faith: that we can experience victory not in the victory, but in the promise of victory from the one we trust.
Excellent thoughts, Craig. I like the way you think, and your approach to spiritual life is refreshingly orthodox. How does your pursuit of ministry as "expression of your own faith development" (rather than a superficial application of 'gifts') relate to your desire to be subsumed within the odyssey? Your words seem to imply that you are longing for THE adventure that gives life meaning, thereby stretching and strengtheniing your faith, while at the same time wanting to live out the faith that is already in you. I don't think these are mutually exclusive, but I'm not real sure how to conjoin them either. Your thoughts?
ReplyDeleteThanks Jon for taking some time to read this. First let me say that I am more aware now than ever that part of my frustration with professional ministry is that I was not using my gifts. I pray that whatever I do it will be in a place where my particular gifts are used. However, I don't my ministry simply to be a good fit. Even if for the selfish reason of not wanting to feelt he pressure of ensuring that my gifts are producing the resutls that those who shopped for my gifts want. But I do want to use them and realize that part of finding joy in life is the effective use of strengths. But what I really want to is live my faith out in such a way that ministry develops around it (or in it, or through it). I want a ministry that values not jsut what I offer, but who I am. I thinking we have discussed previously how difficult that is to do in a church structure (such as the ones in West Texas) that are fairly limited and competitive. As I have struggles with the church I have struggled witht he idea of calling. It seems so authoritarian. I have come to believe that a calling is nothing more than an expression of who we are (supernaturally and no so supernaturally). This means that my calling is going to be as screwed up as I am. That I have to work out my calling in the same way that I have to work out my salvation.
ReplyDeleteI am curious why you chose the word "adventure". That word seems so christiany, but also a little selfish.
Adventure? Haha, good question. Odyssey. Epic. Journey. Denoument. (that last one was a joke) You name it, there are many words for it. I believe Christianity is by nature supernatural and teleological, so it inheres some aspect of movement on multiple planes. At the same time, I think our cute sub-culture of western, American Christianity makes too much of adventure. It becomes the defining aspect of being Christian, as if it is more about what I 'do' than who I am. Passion for passion's sake. Movement for movement's sake. Activity for activity's sake. All without notion of that soul-ful movement toward God (in self-searching surrender and the painful discipline of realizing we are not God, nor can our mental constructs contain Him) that seems to resist the very notion of adventure. Some paradoxes there, I'm sure. So, I understand 'christiany', but not sure what you mean by 'a little selfish.' ??
ReplyDeleteA couple questions... What are your gifts? What gifts are being recruited for professional ministry? And why do you not feel your gifts are a fit? Also... If a calling is nothing more than an expression of who we are, why have one? Why talk or fret about it? Why work it out? Is there something beyond us that compells (or invites) us to go beyond ourselves? Or is this all a self-perceived reality of learning who we are?
I don't see journey and adventure as the same thing. A journey don't necessitate adventure. It is likely that the journey will have adventure, but it is also likely that a journey will often only appear as an adventure after the fact. As pioneers crossed the country looking for a better life I don't think they thought, "this is such an awesome adventure. we should really do it again." It wasn't until they reached their new home that they saw it as an adventure. In contemporary christianity we idolize adventure and passion because those terms meet a personal need/ want. the terms are usually used to only describe really neat experiences and not turmoil and consistency that will accompany occassional passion. I say it is a selfish term because it is used in this "wild at heart" kind of way that while has degrees of value, often mean that Christianity is worth it only when it is meeting those personal wants.
ReplyDeleteAs for using gifts versus an expression of faith, I am not devaluing gifts, only that the institutional elements of church (church growth models) see gifts as a means to an end. Ibelieve that the mojority of ministers and church volunteers that experience "burn out" aren't burnout, just burned. They have been exploited for what they can offer the organization. As for my gifts, I don't feel that they are particularly useful to the organization (even if they are possibly useful to the church)and therefore are not as highly valued as others who have gifts that can be more easy exploited. I realize this sounds as though I am accusing all churches of exploiting their members, but I am not. I am saying that all churches have some degree of institutionalism affacting their ministry and therefore have some degree of guilt for exploiting their members, even if it is only to a small degree.
And as for the "why have one" question- I believe that our calling is expressed through who we are IN CHRIST. It is a typical flaw of the church to put the cart before the horse. The "calling" should come after the "call". We are called into Christ. As we develop what that means our calling naturely develops out of that. We don't need a new calling to find our place. Minsiters use term calling as if it is an occupational term. That's so western and a little elitest. I believe, when we work out our salvation we are naturely working out our calling. When we are maturing we will be compelled to act out that maturity which results in our calling.