IT’S HARD TO PRAY- Part 2

I have three developmental theorists that I think are the most beneficial in understanding human development in relation to faith development:

· Erik Erikson proposed that we ideally move through eight stages throughout our lives dealing with various tensions. We begin with Trust vs. Mistrust for the first couple of years, then attempt to resolve Autonomy vs. Shame, then Initiative vs. Guilt, then Industry vs. Inferiority, then Identity vs. Role Confusion, then Intimacy vs. Isolation, then Generativity vs. Stagnation, finally Integrity vs. Despair. Erikson believed that individuals must go through these stages in sequence, but that resolution wasn’t essential to move to the next stage. Meaning that individuals can move on to later stages but have unresolved issues from previous stages.

· Lawrence Kohlberg was focused on moral development. Kohlberg had three primary stages, but the real value is found in the six secondary stages. They are: Heteronomous Morality, Instrumental, Mutual Interpersonal Relationships, Social Systems and Conscious, Social Contract, and finally Universal Ethical Principles.

· James Fowler (the theorist I discussed in my last post) studied faith development categorizing his findings into seven stages: Primal or Undifferentiated, then Intuitive-Projective, then Mystic-Literal, then Synthetic-Conventional , then Individuative-Reflective, then Conjective, and finally Universal. Like Erikson and Kohlberg, these stages are sequential but don’t require mastery before moving to later stages.

During adolescents there are significant changes for each of these groups. For Erikson the teen begins with Identity vs. Role Confusion, for Kohlberg the teen’s ethical reasoning is at the Mutual Interpersonal Relationships stage, and for Fowler, teens are at the Synthetic Convential level. Which in short means that the typical, well adjusted teen is focused primarily on understanding his or her identity or place in this world while applying that identity into abstract concepts? The teen is also developing a social ethic based primarily on peer and family group expectations and beginning to extend his or her understanding about faith beyond his or her immediate family group. Most teens get to these levels fairly successfully. It is after these stages, when teens begin to move into the next stage, that many face problems. Some teens never adequately develop a true sense of identity meaning that they move into the stage regarding intimate relationships, understanding social systems, and defining new truths with no true sense of who they are.

What does this tangent have to do with the difficulties of prayer? I spent a number of years in youth and college ministry. So many of the young people that I worked with were frustrated by their spiritual life. They wanted so much more out of it that they were constantly discouraged. Many of these young people, while simultaneously wanting to grow spiritually, were reckless and irresponsible in other areas of their lives giving into ridiculous peer pressures, silly arguments, and petty dramas. Despite their zeal for spiritual maturity they simply lacked human maturity. Not all, but many. As they would strive to grow in their spiritual maturity (often beyond what God may actually want for them) they would rely heavily on two distinct means of grace to grow: spiritual experiences and spiritual disciplines. For the typical youth group teen, spiritual experiences include big worship times, large fellowships, and camp altar calls while spiritual disciplines include bible studies, small groups, and mission trips and outreaches. These two areas are great and critical for healthy development, but when activities that students participate in define their identity it can work against the primary goals of their developmental stage. Spiritual experiences may develop spirituality and spiritual disciples may produce discipleship, but neither can be equated with identity development. When teens attempt to move into later developmental stages (even faith developmental stages) without resolving previous tensions then maturity will be negatively affected. Maturity comes through growth and resolving inner struggles. The healthiest sign of maturity at this age is identity. These experiences and disciplines are fine, but not when they hinder the need to struggle with identity formation.

Here is where cultural anthropology and human psychology intersect. When the church promotes identity development through the modern lends of experiences always being positive and discipleship as always being successful rather than threw he postmodern lens of understanding how those experiences shape the individual then the two work against each other. This complexity is amplified by philosophically culture issues such as post-structuralism which in part encourages everyone, but adolescents in particular, to define themselves through superficialities rather than core identity.

When the adult tries to pray based on everything they have been taught in a system that measures maturity by positive experiences and successful discipleship and not identity development, intimacy with the Lord has little foundation. This is not to say that involvement is bad. Not at all! I believe involvement and engagement are two of the most important elements in a young Christian’s development. But when those two things alone, meaning not being used as a resource for greater connection, are the basis for growth, then despite whatever commitment the adult has toward knowing God more intimately, there is little identity to relate to God with. At that point prayer is a constant reminder of their inability to connect with the Lord. But the church is still measuring maturity with involvement and engagement. So the young adult, who is already frustrated because developing intimacy with God is so difficult because there is little identity in Christ to relate to God with, tries even harder to practice spirituality and the disciplines to know God. But maturity at this point is about intimacy, not involvement. So an even greater divide occurs because they are using involvement and experiences, not intimacy. But how could they use intimacy when there is little identity resolution to base intimacy on? By now, things are getting a little confusing and much more frustrating.

So I think what is happening is that most people are developing along a fairly consistent path in many areas of their human development. But spiritually they are still stuck at the Identity versus Role Confusion stage. Prayer, for many, is a problem of wanting deeper intimacy and clearer sense of purpose, but because we have always measured our faith development along the path of levels of success and not on how God is actively engaging us where we are, we stay frustrated by it. Prayer is as wonderful and essential as any of the quotes I began this blog with and there are many reasons that might contribute to why it is so hard, but at the end of the day all I can say is that prayer is hard and frustrating for millions and that okay because it isn’t about how good we are at it or even how hard we try to get good at it, but that God is still present and understands.