13 Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan to be baptized by John. 14 But John tried to deter him, saying, “I need to be baptized by you, and do you come to me?” 15 Jesus replied, “Let it be so now; it is proper for us to do this to fulfill all righteousness.” Then John consented. 16 As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. 17 And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”
1 Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. 2 After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. 3 The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.”
(Matt 3: 13 – Matt. 4:3)
From what we know about the education and selection process of Jewish boys at the time of Jesus and from what we know about his early understanding of scripture it is reasonable to assume that Jesus was trained by a Rabbi and had proven himself deserving of such a calling. From later texts we can also assume that he was a craftsman and therefore had yet to become a Rabbi, but since he was comfortable being called Rabbi by his disciples, he could have been well on his way. We also believe that Jesus was about 30 years old at the time of his baptism and that 30 years old is the typical age when prospective Rabbis become Rabbis. Based on this information, it is reasonable to assume that at the time of his baptism, Jesus had a fairly clear understanding of his “calling”. Due to his divine nature he probably had uneasiness about this calling, but felt confident in his path of ministry. And it is reasonable that his uneasiness came from the way he felt that the faith was neglecting the poor and outcast. So when Jesus went to see John he likely felt a confidence in a calling to a ministry in a faith that he struggled with. When Jesus was baptized it is possible that it was then that Jesus first experienced a revelation of his true identity. I imagine that as exciting as this may have been that it would also have been accompanied by great distress. His entire worldview changed. It was a dramatic enough effect on his self understanding that he went out into the wilderness for 40 days to fast. It was at the end of this fast that he is tempted by the devil. After this time in the dessert he begins his ministry.
Allow me to recapture this narrative from a postmodern perspective. Jesus, a man experiencing great existential angst with a profound appreciation for the ministry, experiences a revelation that changes his paradigm so much that he spends 40 days in the wilderness deconstructing everything he ever came to believe about faith, identity, and calling. Toward the end of this time of deconstruction, when he is close to a new understanding of who God is, but painfully aware of the path of a prophet, must deal with his most inner desires for security and assurance. Once he is able to emerge from this deconstruction with understanding, new meaning, and a peace for what his calling is, he sets out on a journey in which he simply invites others to join him.
I feel that I have been on a similar journey over the past few years. Not too long ago, under the comfortable theology of absolutism, I had embraced a calling in the ministry. I had serious struggles with much of what my faith espoused, but my calling was certain. Then I went through a time of revelation. Not as drastic as Jesus’, but an unraveling of everything that made since. I felt as though my eyes were opened for the first time. I left the church and in many ways felt very much on my own as I entered the wilderness having to dismantle everything that I “knew” to be true. Now, as I have begun to come to some understanding (note that it has taken me five years and took Jesus only 40 days) of my true identity and calling, I am having to go through a similar trail of asking myself if it wouldn’t be better to return to the security and assurance of a traditional calling, one in which I look for a job description in ministry that best fits my interests. I have a hope that I will emerge from this as well with a calling into ministry that sets me forth to live out my destiny. I believe that when Jesus emerged from the wilderness and called his first disciple that the vision was still a little fuzzy. So I have no doubt that I too will not be sure of what it completely looks like.
I end this entry incomplete, with a comma rather than a period because I am not sure what the next paragraph should be. Perhaps I am trying too hard to make sense of my struggle. Perhaps this is no less absolutist than what I contrast it against. But either way I have found some comfort in the story of Jesus’ genesis of ministry and I hope that you have as well.
1 Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. 2 After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. 3 The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.”
(Matt 3: 13 – Matt. 4:3)
From what we know about the education and selection process of Jewish boys at the time of Jesus and from what we know about his early understanding of scripture it is reasonable to assume that Jesus was trained by a Rabbi and had proven himself deserving of such a calling. From later texts we can also assume that he was a craftsman and therefore had yet to become a Rabbi, but since he was comfortable being called Rabbi by his disciples, he could have been well on his way. We also believe that Jesus was about 30 years old at the time of his baptism and that 30 years old is the typical age when prospective Rabbis become Rabbis. Based on this information, it is reasonable to assume that at the time of his baptism, Jesus had a fairly clear understanding of his “calling”. Due to his divine nature he probably had uneasiness about this calling, but felt confident in his path of ministry. And it is reasonable that his uneasiness came from the way he felt that the faith was neglecting the poor and outcast. So when Jesus went to see John he likely felt a confidence in a calling to a ministry in a faith that he struggled with. When Jesus was baptized it is possible that it was then that Jesus first experienced a revelation of his true identity. I imagine that as exciting as this may have been that it would also have been accompanied by great distress. His entire worldview changed. It was a dramatic enough effect on his self understanding that he went out into the wilderness for 40 days to fast. It was at the end of this fast that he is tempted by the devil. After this time in the dessert he begins his ministry.
Allow me to recapture this narrative from a postmodern perspective. Jesus, a man experiencing great existential angst with a profound appreciation for the ministry, experiences a revelation that changes his paradigm so much that he spends 40 days in the wilderness deconstructing everything he ever came to believe about faith, identity, and calling. Toward the end of this time of deconstruction, when he is close to a new understanding of who God is, but painfully aware of the path of a prophet, must deal with his most inner desires for security and assurance. Once he is able to emerge from this deconstruction with understanding, new meaning, and a peace for what his calling is, he sets out on a journey in which he simply invites others to join him.
I feel that I have been on a similar journey over the past few years. Not too long ago, under the comfortable theology of absolutism, I had embraced a calling in the ministry. I had serious struggles with much of what my faith espoused, but my calling was certain. Then I went through a time of revelation. Not as drastic as Jesus’, but an unraveling of everything that made since. I felt as though my eyes were opened for the first time. I left the church and in many ways felt very much on my own as I entered the wilderness having to dismantle everything that I “knew” to be true. Now, as I have begun to come to some understanding (note that it has taken me five years and took Jesus only 40 days) of my true identity and calling, I am having to go through a similar trail of asking myself if it wouldn’t be better to return to the security and assurance of a traditional calling, one in which I look for a job description in ministry that best fits my interests. I have a hope that I will emerge from this as well with a calling into ministry that sets me forth to live out my destiny. I believe that when Jesus emerged from the wilderness and called his first disciple that the vision was still a little fuzzy. So I have no doubt that I too will not be sure of what it completely looks like.
I end this entry incomplete, with a comma rather than a period because I am not sure what the next paragraph should be. Perhaps I am trying too hard to make sense of my struggle. Perhaps this is no less absolutist than what I contrast it against. But either way I have found some comfort in the story of Jesus’ genesis of ministry and I hope that you have as well.
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