A RECOVERING MINISTER- Part 1

“We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.” (Martin Luther King)

A few years ago I taught a study on the Book of Hebrews at the church where I was working. I spent six months preparing for the study, an entire year on the study with the college group, and an additional year after the class studying the book. Meaning I spent almost three years reading and studying the same set of scripture exclusively. By no means do I feel that the time that I spent on this book qualifies me as an expert, but it does give me the right to say that I was enthusiastic about it. I was drawn into the book like no other book I had ever studied. It resonated with my journey and gave me direction for many of the struggles I was dealing with personally. The study helped me to clarify many of my frustrations with institutionalism and religion. I was able to easily pull stories from throughout my life as examples for the various lessons, but in the process of pulling stories I was also able to see how relevant the Book of Hebrews is to today’s Church. From very early in the book I knew how significant the study would be for me. In Chapter 2 of Hebrews, for example, the author explicates the new identity we have in Christ.

Hebrews 2

1We must pay more careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away. 2For if the message spoken by angels was binding, and every violation and disobedience received its just punishment, 3how shall we escape if we ignore such a great salvation? This salvation, which was first announced by the Lord, was confirmed to us by those who heard him. 4God also testified to it by signs, wonders and various miracles, and gifts of the Holy Spirit distributed according to his will.

5It is not to angels that he has subjected the world to come, about which we are speaking. 6But there is a place where someone has testified: "What is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? 7You made him a little lower than the angels; you crowned him with glory and honor 8and put everything under his feet."

In putting everything under him, God left nothing that is not subject to him. Yet at present we do not see everything subject to him. 9But we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angels, now crowned with glory and honor because he suffered death, so that by the grace of God he might taste death for everyone.

10In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering. 11Both the one who makes men holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers. 12He says, "I will declare your name to my brothers; in the presence of the congregation I will sing your praises." 13And again, “I will put my trust in him." And again he says, "Here am I, and the children God has given me."

14Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might destroy him who holds the power of death—that is, the devil— 15and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death. 16For surely it is not angels he helps, but Abraham's descendants. 17For this reason he had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people. 18Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.

Three of the many things that we can learn from this passage are: (1) there is an ideal of what we should be. God created man to have control over all things and to live in perfect unity with Him. (2) There is an actual human condition. Through sin, man entered into a system of defeat instead of co-leadership with God. And (3) how actual can be changed to ideal. Jesus came to make man what he was meant to be. In short: drawing near to God overcomes sin. Experiencing co-leadership with God is not the same thing as receiving financial or situational blessings. And drawing near to God does not mean an enthusiastic approach toward Christianity. It simply means that the reconciliation ministry of Christ allows us to approach God in order for Him to use us as He wills. This passage in no way discredits the significance of sin in our lives. We are rescued from Sin and will continue to struggle with sin. But it does mean sin no longer is the central theme is the ministry of Christ, but rather reconciliation. Sin (as a behavior) is no longer an issue of judgment by which we define ourselves and our relationship with Christ. I mention this because since the Reformation there has been a growing paradigm within the church of the limitations of humanity. Christ, as He is often portrayed, simply came because there is nothing good in man. We were saved from religion, the pressure of constantly trying to please God, and ourselves, but humanity is still made in God image. As Christians we recognize that we were lost, but not ruined. In fact, our sinful nature has potential to assist us in our relationship with God in two ways. First, sin, as in the behaviors and thoughts that we have, can be a sign of a deeper separation from God. In other words, sin can be the residue of loneliness, pride, fear, and ignorance. And even though sin by itself should not be the defining issue of our relationship with God, it is a barrier to God. Drawing near to God doesn’t mean stopping sin, but reconciling a relationship with Christ. But for this to happen, sin often has to be dealt with. But because we are incapable of drawing near to God on our own, we must rely on Christ to empower us to overcome for the sole purpose of drawing near to God. In other words (yet again), dealing with sin in our lives is a partnership with God. It is both God restoring us and God empowering us to become disciplined, but either way it is God doing the work. Besides, the amount of sin in your life is an indication of how close you have drawn near to God. The closer you are the less you will sin naturally. Perfection, as it is promised to us as faithful disciples, then isn’t about stopping sin, but is something that signifies our completion in Christ.

What does this have to do with my own journey and, as the title of the chapter denotes, becoming a recovering minister? Let me first share one of the on-going struggles that I face. One of the cornerstones of a relationship with God is faith. It relates to living faithfully day by day with where ever God puts you. It is trusting that God has a plan for your life and that even when you don’t feel a sense of excitement about your walk, you can walk in peace and contentment knowing every day is an opportunity for God regardless of the circumstances. It is about accepting that God will use you how and when He chooses, but that ultimately our true calling is obedience and intimacy. Another dynamic of a relationship with Christ is desire. This is the part of you which longs for an adventure with God. This is the part that calls you to do things that no responsible person would ever do. This dynamic of a relationship with God is living on the edge. There is an excitement in the unexpected adventure. The desire to serve God with passion and to live life “to the fullest” pulls on the hearts of many followers. But these two things often contradict each other. Living faithfully and living passionately often challenge each other. Typically the answer to this contradiction is something along the lines of balance. But I believe understanding our destiny and even our identity is going to be intricately linked to this struggle. Learning how we are to be both faithful and passionate is a natural tension. A tension that is necessary in identity development. Human development occurs as we learn the strategies needed to reconcile new challenges and tensions. My experiences so far in Christianity have been about believing what I am supposed to believe and doing what I supposed to be doing. But that is not the path toward healthy development. It is about struggling with opposing ideologies and conflicting perceptions until we are able to assimilate what we are learning into our lives. The development process at any stage or with any issue will likely reoccur, but it is the conflict which produces growth. As we as Christians grow we must rely on Christ to ultimately to the work, but as we allow Him to work we must engage fully with the struggles we face in the knowledge that reconciling the struggle (reconcile is not the same thing necessarily as resolving by the way) producing maturity.

Throughout my entire Christian experience I was under the understanding that the road to perfection was about getting my life together. Jesus was without sin, I was supposed to be like Christ, therefore, when I am without sin then I too will be like Christ. The burden for a sinless life became the focus of my walk and my ministry. I used a lot of language about grace and mercy and I said that it was all about a relationship with Christ, but my actions reflected a theology that was much more similar to Old Testament teachings than anything that Jesus taught. As I studied this idea of perfection more in Hebrews I came to realize that perfection has nothing to do with our behavior. We are told in scripture that Jesus was on a path toward perfection even though he was without sin. Jesus’ road to perfection meant the road to Calvary. He was being prepared throughout His life and ministry to take on the redemptive work ahead of Him. His entire life was His ministry, but it was also the journey which was designed to prepare Him and us for the cross. He would, as Hebrews teaches, become perfect when His destiny was fulfilled. Perfect, as it is explained in Hebrews, is not when we somehow rid ourselves of sin, but when we have fulfilled our destiny. Sin often is an obstacle in this journey, but overcoming sin isn’t the goal. And realizing our destiny is a journey with merit in and of itself. In fact, the journey is the destiny. Our destiny is to be who God calls us to be, but because we are called to be different things along the journey then our “calling” is to be who God designed us to be. Our destiny is to mature in our faith, to face tensions and overcome them, and to live faithfully and to seek passion. We obtain perfection when we embrace struggles and partner with God to overcome them to better understand who we are in Christ. When I came to see that my calling was to be perfect and that perfect simply meant becoming who God has created me then I realized for possibly the first time that Christianity was a bigger obstacle to Christ for me than any sin I ever struggled with at any point in my life. The doctrine of the institution might support enthusiasm or it might give me opportunities for service, or it might comfort me times of crisis, but the institution (the institutional paradigm on the church, not the church itself) would never nurture my development. People mature all the time in the church, but often the institution is battling against the need for people to struggle making the church a barrier as often as it makes it a resource.