“When the boy was born, like all Spartans, he was inspected.” (Dilios, 300)
Last night I watched a show I had recorded from the History Channel called The Last Stand of the 300: The Legendary Battle at Thermoplyae. It was the documentary version of the famous Battle at Thermoplyae where King Leonidas led his Spartan army of 300 alongside the Greek forces against King Xerxes of Persia. One of the elements of the documentary was to describe the childhood of Spartan males. At birth, Spartans were inspected to check for defects. Children who didn’t pass were left to die. At age seven the boys would leave for military school where they would be trained in warfare and survival. Many boys died during these years at the hands of their peers. When they turned 19 they were enlisted in the military where their parents would celebrate their military exploits and would wish for the highest honor of a son dying in battle. Children were born and breed for battle. Spartan society valued the masses, but not human life. However, it hasn’t been until the last few centuries and really decades that human life was valued the way it is today. Perhaps even over valued when one considers the reluctance to allow the terminally ill to die. However, the utter disregard for human life by the Spartans was a little extreme. As a parent, there is no such thing as a noble death of one of my sons. Each society and time in history has viewed parenting and the role of parents differently. However, despite the cultural philosophies affecting parents, what is born into our nature is to want what is best for our children.
Under the philosophical paradigms of western society during the last 100 years, this was no less true. What parents want for their kids is the best they can offer. If we took a detailed exploration of parenting over the past 100 years, however, it is sure to reveal greater degrees of paternal involvement, greater degrees of parent nurturing (even to a fault), less cohesion as a family unit, geographical and cultural differences in parenting styles, etc. But regardless of these specific changes over time in how parents parented, the goal has been the same as it has been forever. However, modernity did have a unique affect on parenting that is inconsistent with emerging postmodern paradigm. Modernity, in general, strived for absolutes and identity stability. In a postmodern world, absolutes and stable identities are just not going to fit. There are two things that I hope to have stated so far: (1) despite the radical differences in parenting and family structures over the course of human history, parents have generally wanted what is best for their child and (2) modernity had an impact on parenting that may be difficult to maintain in a world that doesn’t value absolutes and stable identities. Because of these two points I would avoid making any critical points about parenting in the 21st century. I would like to demonstrate that maintaining a modern view of parenting may cause unique frustrations and won’t necessarily make the child better off. Specifically, parenting from an institutional church paradigm is not worse parenting, but can cause frustrations for parents that are not necessarily beneficial.
Now that I hope that I have adequately contextualized that- the institutional church has not only found an effective marketing technique in promoting church as a family experience, but in the process it has radically betrayed the message of Christ which calls us to leave our family in order to follow Him. There is little argument that scripture also calls us to train our children in righteousness and that one of the founding values of Christ was community, but it goes completely against the gospel to equate Christian living with family values. The theology of the teachings of Jesus aside, when we hold to the idea that we will find some form of spiritual contentment in ensuring that the family unit remains stable then we negate the opportunity for Christ to work the way that He works best- in discomfort. Additionally, when we attempt to define the family by the values it holds and then places that value above that which it stands for, then Christ becomes a variable of the family unit rather than transformative catalyst in peoples’ lives.
Recently my wife and I have had to deal with a situation with my oldest son that has really tested us. Bryce is a special needs kid and trying to figure out the best strategy to help him succeed in school is an ongoing battle. Recently we have had to go through a new round of developing new strategies. Our actions in this process have not been dictated so much by my emerging theological beliefs, but by the same things that shape all parents decision: what is best for our child. However, my emerging theological beliefs have had an impact on what I think is best for Bryce. I continually pray for Bryce to experience life the way that I planned for him before he was born with a good job and family. And I would be lying if I told you that I didn’t care how smart, athletic, or popular he was. But when I reflect on who Bryce is, as well as who his brother Brennan is, I no longer primarily wish for a life free of struggle. I will always struggle along with them and hope for victory for them, but ultimately I pray that Christ is revealed in and through them in the midst of struggles. I pray that in each struggle that they encounter it brings them closer to understanding the grace of God. I pray that they are able to emerge from each battle with greater integrity and character. I pray that they are able to overcome sin, but more so that sin doesn’t overcome them. I pray not that I raise them to love me, but to love God. I pray not for them to be victorious and successful, but humble and compassionate. I pray not for stability, but for instability. And I pray not for me to teach them morality alone, but that I teach them to seek God and truth.
Contemporary Christian parenting is often marked by defining struggles, identifying sins, benchmarking behavior, valuing performance, and pursuing success. Even though as parents we obviously all want these things for our children, we also know that there are things that are more valuable. Modernity, specifically within Christianity, attempts to force us out of the greater work of development. Not only does modern parenting attempt us to negate that which we know is best, but creates a tension inside of us. Postmodernity allows us to reconsider that which is best and embrace values that we ultimately cherish more than success. Grant it, there are new challenges that must emerge in postmodern parenting such as appreciating the concrete cognitive abilities of our children and the need this creates for boundaries. But the institutional concept of what marks a healthy family are often inconsistent and cause frustrations for families who simply don’t have the energy to present their family as without blemishes or scars. I long for an image of family that may value many of the same things that the institutional church markets as family, but with greater honesty and transparency.
Last night I watched a show I had recorded from the History Channel called The Last Stand of the 300: The Legendary Battle at Thermoplyae. It was the documentary version of the famous Battle at Thermoplyae where King Leonidas led his Spartan army of 300 alongside the Greek forces against King Xerxes of Persia. One of the elements of the documentary was to describe the childhood of Spartan males. At birth, Spartans were inspected to check for defects. Children who didn’t pass were left to die. At age seven the boys would leave for military school where they would be trained in warfare and survival. Many boys died during these years at the hands of their peers. When they turned 19 they were enlisted in the military where their parents would celebrate their military exploits and would wish for the highest honor of a son dying in battle. Children were born and breed for battle. Spartan society valued the masses, but not human life. However, it hasn’t been until the last few centuries and really decades that human life was valued the way it is today. Perhaps even over valued when one considers the reluctance to allow the terminally ill to die. However, the utter disregard for human life by the Spartans was a little extreme. As a parent, there is no such thing as a noble death of one of my sons. Each society and time in history has viewed parenting and the role of parents differently. However, despite the cultural philosophies affecting parents, what is born into our nature is to want what is best for our children.
Under the philosophical paradigms of western society during the last 100 years, this was no less true. What parents want for their kids is the best they can offer. If we took a detailed exploration of parenting over the past 100 years, however, it is sure to reveal greater degrees of paternal involvement, greater degrees of parent nurturing (even to a fault), less cohesion as a family unit, geographical and cultural differences in parenting styles, etc. But regardless of these specific changes over time in how parents parented, the goal has been the same as it has been forever. However, modernity did have a unique affect on parenting that is inconsistent with emerging postmodern paradigm. Modernity, in general, strived for absolutes and identity stability. In a postmodern world, absolutes and stable identities are just not going to fit. There are two things that I hope to have stated so far: (1) despite the radical differences in parenting and family structures over the course of human history, parents have generally wanted what is best for their child and (2) modernity had an impact on parenting that may be difficult to maintain in a world that doesn’t value absolutes and stable identities. Because of these two points I would avoid making any critical points about parenting in the 21st century. I would like to demonstrate that maintaining a modern view of parenting may cause unique frustrations and won’t necessarily make the child better off. Specifically, parenting from an institutional church paradigm is not worse parenting, but can cause frustrations for parents that are not necessarily beneficial.
Now that I hope that I have adequately contextualized that- the institutional church has not only found an effective marketing technique in promoting church as a family experience, but in the process it has radically betrayed the message of Christ which calls us to leave our family in order to follow Him. There is little argument that scripture also calls us to train our children in righteousness and that one of the founding values of Christ was community, but it goes completely against the gospel to equate Christian living with family values. The theology of the teachings of Jesus aside, when we hold to the idea that we will find some form of spiritual contentment in ensuring that the family unit remains stable then we negate the opportunity for Christ to work the way that He works best- in discomfort. Additionally, when we attempt to define the family by the values it holds and then places that value above that which it stands for, then Christ becomes a variable of the family unit rather than transformative catalyst in peoples’ lives.
Recently my wife and I have had to deal with a situation with my oldest son that has really tested us. Bryce is a special needs kid and trying to figure out the best strategy to help him succeed in school is an ongoing battle. Recently we have had to go through a new round of developing new strategies. Our actions in this process have not been dictated so much by my emerging theological beliefs, but by the same things that shape all parents decision: what is best for our child. However, my emerging theological beliefs have had an impact on what I think is best for Bryce. I continually pray for Bryce to experience life the way that I planned for him before he was born with a good job and family. And I would be lying if I told you that I didn’t care how smart, athletic, or popular he was. But when I reflect on who Bryce is, as well as who his brother Brennan is, I no longer primarily wish for a life free of struggle. I will always struggle along with them and hope for victory for them, but ultimately I pray that Christ is revealed in and through them in the midst of struggles. I pray that in each struggle that they encounter it brings them closer to understanding the grace of God. I pray that they are able to emerge from each battle with greater integrity and character. I pray that they are able to overcome sin, but more so that sin doesn’t overcome them. I pray not that I raise them to love me, but to love God. I pray not for them to be victorious and successful, but humble and compassionate. I pray not for stability, but for instability. And I pray not for me to teach them morality alone, but that I teach them to seek God and truth.
Contemporary Christian parenting is often marked by defining struggles, identifying sins, benchmarking behavior, valuing performance, and pursuing success. Even though as parents we obviously all want these things for our children, we also know that there are things that are more valuable. Modernity, specifically within Christianity, attempts to force us out of the greater work of development. Not only does modern parenting attempt us to negate that which we know is best, but creates a tension inside of us. Postmodernity allows us to reconsider that which is best and embrace values that we ultimately cherish more than success. Grant it, there are new challenges that must emerge in postmodern parenting such as appreciating the concrete cognitive abilities of our children and the need this creates for boundaries. But the institutional concept of what marks a healthy family are often inconsistent and cause frustrations for families who simply don’t have the energy to present their family as without blemishes or scars. I long for an image of family that may value many of the same things that the institutional church markets as family, but with greater honesty and transparency.
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