THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO ROCKY- Part 2

One of the things that surprises me about the story of Jacob is the blessing. The man says, “because you have struggled with God and with men.” Why would God mention here that he struggled with man? The wrestling match was between Jacob and God. It makes me wonder if what God is saying here is that Jacob didn’t just struggled to know God more deeply that he deserves a blessing, as if Jacob is being rewarded for zealous pursuit of holiness. But that Jacob just plain struggled. Contemporary Christianity is so quick to put value in spiritual zeal than it has adopted “struggle” as a way of describing how we, as good and faithful Christians, are making ourselves better people. But that is not what is going on here with Jacob. God basically says, “Jacob, you, my friend, can’t seem to get your life straight no matter what you do. Every time you make some progress you do something or something happens to you that throws you right back on the mat. But Jacob, each time you get right back up and keep moving forward. You are no longer Jacob, the one who struggles, but Israel, the one who calls on God to help him get up and keep fighting.”

In II Timothy 4: 7 the author writes, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” I want to be perfect, in character and in purpose. I really do. I want to live the sinless life and bring thousands to know Christ. I want to be flawless in my obedience and respected by all. And I am doing everything that I can to be those things. But if my track record is any indication on how likely it is that that will happen then I am going to die miserable. And if my spiritual identity is going to be measured by these things then I will always fail. The story of Jacob is my story. I only have one wife and two kids and I neither fear an uncle or brother killing me, but I do wrestle with God and understanding this life at a fairly constant level. I do believe that with greater maturity I will one day be able to embrace a level of contentment that is desperately needed. But at the same time I never want to stop wrestling with God until he gives me a new name in heaven. My youngest son I call the conqueror. He doesn’t wrestle with life; he tackles it, stands up putting one foot on its chest, and taunts it to try to get up. He is more like my wife. But my oldest son has faced an incredible amount of challenges in his life. He is amazing, but many of the things he does are real struggles for him. Despite his ongoing struggle, my name for him is not the failure or the loser, but the over-comer. Life dealt him a bad hand. He doesn’t let that keep him in a place of failure, but refuses to give up and eventually figures out a way to make it work. And as much as I admire how my youngest can conquer everything that he does, my oldest teaches me the most about life. He teaches me that with this life you can be defeated or keep going.

The message I grew up being taught in the church was that through Jesus we can do anything and that God wants us to succeed. I don’t disagree with that except that, like so many messages in the church, it creates a false perception of who God is in relation to us. Yes, we can do anything through Christ- anything that He wants. Yes, He wants us to be succeed- but on His measure of success. As I have emerged I have come to embrace my failures, shortcomings, and existential angst. Because I have found that it is in those places that God is most able to reveal Himself to me. It is at those places where I have to be picked up and pushed back into the ring. If you read the Old Testament you will likely find that, in fact, that is the story of Israel. The Israelites had their share of heroes who seem to be able to do anything and serve God with absolute obedience. But the majority of the stories are of people who are desperately relying on God to just make it. In fact, these characters who seem to struggle so much are the ones who capture our hearts the most. David was a great leader, but it is his struggle with Bathsheba that makes him so human. Moses was “the man”, but again, it is his insecurities that we most relate to. Even modern stories that capture us the most are the ones of heroes who don’t easily defeat every enemy, but ones who, while being pretty amazing, get knocked on their ass by an enemy that was more powerful than they expected, but get back in the fight and overcomes. The story is not about how the hero eventually wins, but how that hero deals with his/ her failures or life’s injustices and overcomes. Best case scenario is that there is a sequel with an even stronger enemy.

Modern Christianity offers victory in Jesus. But as much as I know that will come on the other side, all I really want to do now is make it through a little stronger. As of now, in my mid-thirties, I am beginning to stop wanting all my dreams to come true where I am ridiculously successful with lots of money and the perfect life. I now simply want to be my authentic self surrounded by the ones I love open to whatever destiny God has for me. I want to be able to take on the struggles that I know will come with integrity and humility. And I want for the revelation of Christ to become more real in me every day. My greatest victory is overcoming my need to be victorious in this life.