But if faith and doubt are not mutually exclusive then what do we do with passages such as Hebrews 10?
Hebrews 10:21-23
21and since we have a great priest over the house of God, 22let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. 23Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.
For those who have a greater degree of assurance than I then an assurance of salvation may come more naturally. I admire and at times envy you. By no means should it be assumed by what I have written that the gift of faith or simply the openness of heart to trust in the invisible is a sign of weakness. It can make intimacy more achievable and obedience more convicting. But there are those, who like me, struggle with these issues. Can this passage and similar passages elsewhere have meaning for us? For those who don’t face doubt then this passage gives you direction as well for how to draw near to God, a central theme of Hebrews. Through an open heart and an assurance of the truth that you profess then you can approach God to experience intimacy and purpose. This is clear direction for all Christians, in fact. Open your heart to ministry of Christ with the confidence that comes from knowing Him. This is the way for all to experience intimacy and purpose.
But this formula, which is the dominant teaching of intimacy and ministry for the institutional church, is incomplete. This passage is neither that humanistic nor pessimistic. Experiencing the intimacy and calling of Christ isn’t about what we have to do to fix our sinful nature. This passage, if it is to be taken as a formula for intimacy and calling, has many more details which are much more significant. This passage, as is the rest of Hebrews, is about what Christ has done in order for us to draw near to Him. It is about how Christ compensates for our inadequacy to empower us to know Him. It is about how our sinful nature and personal limitations no longer defines us. This passage begins and ends with ministry of Christ. First we are assured that He is our Great High Priest and that He sits over the House of God. We are in His house as we draw near to Him. We are then instructed to approach God “with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith.” This means we acknowledge our limitations and fears in approaching God with confidence that God will not cast us aside because of those limitations. God then again takes over and cleanses us in body, mind, and spirit. We then hold to the hope we profess. We hold to the hope. Again, my doubt will not define my relationship with God. My hope in Him will. Actually, what truly defines my relationship with God is the very last part of this passage, “for he who promised is faithful.”
-PAUSE-
I could argue and defend why I feel scripture allows me room to doubt and the failings of modern institutional thinking all day. But I would rather share my story. Beyond struggling with doubt surrounding God, doubt is the wound that I have dealt with for most of my life in many areas of my life. Personal insecurities about how people see me, my ability to contribute to the world, and my ability to take care of my family financially and emotionally haunt me. I could go into much more detail about how these insecurities became such a part of who I am, but the point is that I don’t struggle with the intellectual questions about God because I am unwilling to hand that part over to God because of some elitist perspective I have or because I am so cynical and jaded. I struggle with intellectual questions about God because that is a part of me that God continues to work on as a part of my overall renewal and healing. But in the mean time the doubt is there and I can pretend that it isn’t or I can address it, deal with it, and potentially use it to know God in deeper ways and to offer some empathy to others who struggle with their own doubt.
Possibly the most important aspect of emerging is honesty. The traditional Christian view is to believe and act the way you are supposed to until it becomes real. There is a lot of value in this. The problem with this approach is that the Christian either hides a secret resentment toward God and the church or he or she assimilates into a Christian sub-culture that neither reflects who God is in his or her life nor honors God. The obvious problem with too much honesty is that the believer abandons righteousness or God all together. But when the authentic believer can move toward an honesty that is founded on integrity and faithfulness by dealing with real issues then something pretty amazing will happen. Here is where you will likely expect the steps that it will take to get to that place. There are two reasons I can’t do this for you. The first is that I am still figuring it out myself. The second is that intimacy and honesty are messy. I will suggest surrounding yourself with a healthy community, a spiritual mentor, and engage in a wide array of spiritual disciplines, but there is really no answer. But start with being okay with the fact that there is something wrong with the expectation to have it all figured out and see where that takes you.
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